By Donna Giles
Recently it was Valentine’s Day – that annual event for declaring our love for those closest to us, and I’m really happy to see that this is starting to include the many different relationships we can have with various people in our lives, including ourselves. On social media I saw the day referred to as ‘Love Day’, and this started me thinking about all the different ways in which we can love and how we show that love.
We, obviously, have the love we have for our partners and also our children. We have the love we have for our Parents, and then for extended members of our families. The love we have for our friends and others that support us during our lifetime.
We can show that love with cards and flowers, or with gestures like cooking a nice meal or going out on a special date. We can, apparently, show it by declaring it on the internet (!). Obviously, we can show it with hugs and kisses and physical demonstrations.
My thoughts then turned to caring, and how, in fact, this is the ultimate act of love. Whether you are a Partner Carer, a Parent Carer, a Sibling Carer, a Young Carer or a Sandwich Carer, I truly believe that we do what we do because we love the person who needs to be cared for and supported. Frankly, there are times when it is such hard work that there needs to be a damn good reason to continue!
Unpaid Carers will show their love in so many ways; it can be in fighting the education system to get the correct support that your child needs in order for them to reach their full potential, and finding ways for them to be included within society. There have been times with both Nathan and Cerys where I have found myself at odds with the teaching and education systems in knowing how to support my child, as have many, many other parents.
It can be supporting them within the social care system to ensure they get paid Carers and PAs to enable them to be as independent as possible, work and access society in the same way their peers do. We have fought hard to ensure that the social care system understands that Nathan and Cerys need and have a right to that extra support in order to develop a life they wish to have. For the elderly, it can be helping them to access social care support that will keep them safe and comfortable in a way that suits them. Something we are currently discovering with our Parents.
Love can be shown in the gentle bathing of someone’s limbs because the treatment they are undergoing has made their body so painful. It’s having your life changed forever by the need to have that treatment, but still loving that person and staying for all the pain, anger, and fear.
It’s accompanying your child down to theatre, singing songs and trying to be cheerful whilst your stomach is churning with worry and anxiety. It’s learning the art of sitting beside their hospital bed afterwards and not falling apart. From Nathan’s first cardiac surgery at 10 days old to Cerys’ ITB pump insertion at 15 and Nathan’s pacemaker implant at 22 this is a performance I am still perfecting.
It’s looking after your brother or sister when your Parents are no longer able to.
It’s helping your Parent to get washed, dressed and ready for the day. Hurrying home from school to ensure they are ok and help in any way you can.
It’s holding someone tight and close when they are falling apart.
It’s in Andre telling me to rest when he can see I am clearly out of spoons. It’s in supporting each other whether the news is good or bad – celebrating the good times, and pushing through the bad. It’s in believing that everything will work out for the best if we just stick together.
Carers show love in so many ways, each and every day. This army is prepared to burn itself out rather than allow their loved ones to go without the care and support they need. It often feels that society doesn’t see this love that is being practiced all around us. If you know someone (and if you think carefully, you will realise that you do) who is caring for another take the time to ask them how they are or give them a smile and a wave – let them know you can feel the love they are giving. An acknowledgement of the enormous tasks they are undertaking will go a long way to helping them to feel loved themselves.